I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
