if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
