I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
