Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
