What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
