Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
