Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
