went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
