He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
