There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
