Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
if only i could text you this smell
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
