I wish my penis had an off switch
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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