I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
