yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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