Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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