you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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