I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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