i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
