she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
