therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
