I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
