I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
