we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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