Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
