birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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