Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
