OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize