we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
