OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
