i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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