I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
