you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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