i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
