She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Small penises have feelings too.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize