Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
