and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have aggressive nipples.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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