Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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