My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
