so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize