yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
