cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
