it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
