i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
