After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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