Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
