Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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