Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
