Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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