He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
