She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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