the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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