So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
