Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
