I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
