The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
