well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
