pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize