The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
