You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize