Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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