First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
