I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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