Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
