90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
