I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
