I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
