smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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