He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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