Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
