First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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