i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
