I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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