If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
