Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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