Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
