I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
